• The best part about Valentine’s Day? Obviously, it’s the candy. [MP: Boston]
• You’re never ever too old for a “your mom” joke. [MP: Chicago]
• Philly restaurateur Stephen Starr gives out burns like an arsonist. [MP: Philadelphia]
• Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! My burger is better than yours! [MP: San Francisco]
• Oh, just give us some pudding already. [MP: South Florida]